The bigger they come, the harder they can fall

Today we continue our tour of South Orange County, California. Some have pointed out that the upper end of the real estate market has not shown as many cracks as the lower end, since those lucky few with enough money laying around that can actually afford the nice houses can still make the purchase.

But it seems as if that doesn't quite always happen, as this Laguna Niguel owner could probably tell you.
30932 S Belle Maison, Laguna Niguel, Calif., 92677
Size: 4 beds, 3 baths, 3,600 sq ft (built 1988)
MLS: S477535 (159 days on Redfin)
Current asking price: $1,274,900-1,350,000
Purchase price: $1,425,000
Purchase date: 12/7/2005
ZipRealty price tracker: Price Reduced: 04/28/07 -- $1,499,000 to $1,449,000
Price Increased: 06/05/07 -- $1,449,000 to $1,500,000
Price Reduced: 06/18/07 -- $1,500,000 to $1,450,000
Price Reduced: 07/20/07 -- $1,450,000 to $1,349,000
Price Increased: 07/23/07 -- $1,349,000 to $1,350,000
Other info: Stories: 2
Type: Single Family Residence
View: Canyon, City Lights, Hills, Mountain, Valley, Other
County: Orange
Neighborhood: Laguna Niguel West, N of Crown
From listing: Wow! Dramatic price reduction!Submit your offer & seller will consider it!! Best priced home in belle maison!Submit your offer! This private home offers professionally landscaped grounds w/beautiful views, open floor plan w/4 bed/3bath, 3 fireplaces, loft/office, formal dining room and living room w/fire place. Enjoy the light & bright gourmet kitchen with granite counters, over sized center island, top of the line appliances, large walk in pantry with plenty of storage.

No doubt that this place is freakin' sweet - and it's also been on the market for a freakin' long time without seeing a buyer. There have been a total of five price shifts - three reductions and two increases - and still nothing. All told, the price has gone down $224,100 from the original price to the low end of the current asking range ($149,000 from the original price to the current high point of the asking range).

This property even features a 1,500 bottle climate controlled wine cellar and we can't get it sold yesterday (see the picture on the listing)? Makes one wonder whether this is simply an aberration, or perhaps a glimpse into what the future holds for even the luxury real estate market. Only time will tell.

Assuming the property sells right now for the low asking price, the loss will be $226,594 after 6 percent selling costs. If there somehow is someone crazy enough to pay at the highest end of the price range, the loss would be only $156,000.

By the way, the taxes on this place right now run about $1,200 a month. And in the fantasy land of putting 20 percent down on this property with a 30-year, fixed-rate mortgage at 7 percent interest, your monthly principal and interest payment would be a mere $7,185.

A mansion even Kane (or Hearst, for that matter) would approve of

Since Citizen Kane was again the No. 1 movie on AFI's latest top 100 movies special last night, in tribute we're featuring a ridiculous castle that's currently for sale in Orange, Calif.:


6314 East Frank Lane, Orange, 92869
Asking price: $6,200,000 on Ziprealty ($5,795,000, 181 days on Redfin)
Recent sales: 12/01/2004: $497,500 (looks strange to me)
02/28/1995: $1,600,000 (since the listing says this house was built in 2000, was this for the land?)
Size: 5 bed, 10 bath, 17,326 sq ft (on three total acres)
MLS: P552832
Redfin description: Owner will carry with small down or possible lease option. Incredible Mediterranean Villa. Everything here is a WOW! Ultimate private estate features great room w/ 6 tv's, fully equiped gym, movie theatre, wine tasting room, sound system throughout, 7 fireplaces, tennis court, B. Ball, and batting cage. Rock waterfalls w/ pebble tech. pool. Cave bar, waterslides etc. ALSO AVAIL. 1.7 ACRES W/ AREANA 6 STALL BARN, BEAUT- FULLY LANDSCAPED & FENCED TO MAKE AN INCREDABLE 3ACRES


If I were selling an almost $6 million house, I would probably hire someone who can spell "equipped," "arena" and "incredible." I'm even letting them slide on "beaut-fully." Also, what in the world constitutes a "small down" payment that the owner is willing to accept? How about I put a few hundred thousand on my Visa Gold card? Is that enough for you?

That being said, even with a place as ridiculous as this, it doesn't mean it will sell quickly. This place has been on Redfin for 181 days and has had a few price changes (via ZipRealty):
Price Reduced: 01/05/07 -- $7,499,000 to $6,999,999
Price Reduced: 03/20/07 -- $6,999,999 to $5,795,000
Price Increased: 06/12/07 -- $5,795,000 to $6,200,000

A couple more photos of the interior show just how amazing this house (err...campus) is:
To the left is the "great room" with six TVs. I don't think "great" even begins to describe this space. There are more TVs in one room there than I've owned in my life. And trust me, I've had my fair share of TVs. Other laughable features include, with my comments in italics:

• Wine tasting room (Well, duh. Who would build a 17,000-square foot place and forget to put in the wine tasting room? Nobody, that's who. It's probably right in between the cigar-smoking lounge and observatory.)
  
• Fully equipped gym (Makes my local LA Fitness look like a joke)
• Six-car garage (A seven-car garage frankly would have been crossing the line.)
  
• Movie theater (Not impressed. Call me when you get some stadium seating in there and we'll talk...)
• "Cave bar, waterslides..." (Woah, woah, woah. You went on and on about how this is an amazing Mediterranean villa, paradise and all, blah, blah, blah, and skipped right over the cave bar? Who are you kidding!? That's the most impressive part about this whole house! And what's this about waterslides plural?)
  

In case you're thinking you might have to stretch just a bit to afford this place...here's something else to note: Property taxes were only $39,184 last year! How soon can we move in?

Who likes labels? Here's another

Let's face it: One of the interesting parts about living in Southern California is the fact that there is some incredible wealth out there on display.

By incredible, we're talking multi millions. Probably even billions in some rare cases. In order to celebrate the fact that some of the most ridiculous estates are situated right here in the southland, here's a new label: the "Freakin' Sweet" award.


No tales of flipping gone awry here or bank-busting catastrophes. Just a fun tour of some of the most amazing pieces of real estate in the area. These places all are on the market for in upwards of $3 million and have some incredible features, architectural designs and layouts. Onward...

346 W PASEO DE CRISTOBAL
San Clemente, Calif., 92672
Asking price: $4.79 million
Last sale: $3.75 million (6/15/05)
5 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms
4,800 square feet
MLS: S474222
Redfin description: Spectacular water front estate on 1/4 acre street to street cul-de-sac lot at 'T-Street' beach. Custom built luxury home with awe inspiring panoramic ocean, white water, island & pier views! Leaded glass entry doors, beautiful distressed Hickory wood flooring, picture windows, 3 fireplaces, hand painted kitchen tiles, elevator (!), glass balcony panels. Private ocean view pool & spa has cabana w/ bath. Stunning yard w/ center fountain. 2 two car garages. Close to pier & downtown. Beach trail now open!
I've taken the train down from Orange County to San Diego a number of times, and on each trip I find myself in awe of some of the amazing homes that are right next to the ocean in San Clemente. This would be one of those.

The view out of this kitchen (picture on the right, obviously) simply does not get any better. Now if there was only a way to grow the hedges so that they cover up the parking lot but aren't tall enough to obstruct your view of the waves crashing. Well heck, then it would probably be a $5 million house.
Since this place is worth more than $2 million, it is absolutely necessary that it have a billiards room. Listing description for this photo: "Guest suite / Maids quarters has separate entrance, bath & kitchenette." I'd have gone with a billiards room instead, too.
Now this is the way to market your property. Could that sunset be any cooler? No. To the right is the family room. Notice the ocean view, again. Is there any room in this place that doesn't have a killer view? Maybe the fifth bathroom...but no guarantees.

Ready to move in? If you could somehow get this property by only dropping $1 million as a down payment, with a 6.5% interest rate loan, your mythical monthly payment would be $23,955 a month.